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A wavey pattern to divde the page


2020-09-09 15:57:53
I've been struggling with a lack of motivation.

Putting in work with things I am interested in is something I am generally good at, and that I don't frequently struggle with. Recently however everything in life has seemed a lot more daunting & challenging.
Fitness, programming, video editing, it all seems difficult now. I had been on quite a roll for a while, right before creating this blog (whenever that was) I was programming apps like crazy, editing videos (and being excited about producing content) and running 3 times a week. I am not sure what changed exactly, maybe it is my spending more of my daily effort/ focus on my job, maybe it is all the time I was spending trying to get all the Nuka World achievements in Fallout 4.

I call this lack of inspiration laziness. Brenda (my partner) says I shouldn't call it laziness, that I work very hard and it is good to take time to relax. She's probably right (as she is about most things) but I still classify my inability to act as laziness.
The other day I was feeling particularly bad about my lack of physical activity, specifically a lack of running. I thought of an idea from a Better Ideas video, "inaction is a slow death". In short you have two options when it comes to feeling bad. You can feel bad about not doing the thing you want to do, or you can feel bad from doing it (ie running, doesn't feel good when you're getting into it).
Either way you are going to feel bad. But if you feel bad from actually doing the thing then you are at least moving towards a goal rather than just sitting in space, doing nothing.
With that in mind I decided to put on my running shoes and begrudgingly run 2KM.

I am always surprised when I start something I don't want to do. Surprised that the hardest part about the whole thing is convincing myself to start, and that after that it's not so bad.

I finished my 2KM run and felt pretty good about myself. Since then I have been out running four more times, and plan to go again today. I think it's important for me to remember that generally the hardest thing about doing something productive is starting it. After that, it's not so bad.